Renewal of Spirit Revisited

I had a dream last night that I was back in my home church at St. Andrews. I had the opportunity to sit in the front row next to one of my favorite people there, Steve, also known as Bishop Wood. I was chatting with him about where I'm living now, what my work is; about attending church and the struggles of finding a church and being a bit disconnected from what I had experienced at St. Andrews. In conversation I also asked him how St. Andrews is doing. Sitting in the front I could see the sanctuary was as full as ever, but something was different, it was newer and shinier; less of the old spirit that I remembered. Being away so long I didn't feel a part of the church anymore, but I did feel the appreciation of being with an old friend at a new church.

Quite simply he looked me in the eye and said, "don't church hop too much in your search for God, church is a dedication of Spirit not simply attendance."

The thing is, I really don't want to go back to school for a masters degree in social work, in English or writing. What I really want is to learn more about God's Love and the Power of Redemption; the Holy Spirit and the Power of Healing.

I decided to revisit Steve's blog. So often I have gone back to these blogs, recommended books and St. Andrew's sermons online over the years that I was in SC and especially in my more recent years here in Michigan where encouragement and education in theological study have been so much less a part of the encouragement of the churches I've attended. The last entry was July 2016. I thought a moment on that fact, realizing everyone changes; everything in life advances, there is no staying the same. Ah well, what was I to do, with nothing new, like revisiting a treasured library, I went looking through the past and happened across a popular post area, and an article Tim Keller wrote about worship.

"At our deepest level, we were created for worship. But this instinct has gone awry."

Keller's exposition on worship pointed to the gravitational pull of control, power, comfort and approval; relationships with achievement and work. Of worship he said, 

"The only difference between private and public worship is that in public worship, individuals are doing it in concert with others. In a team of six horses, each horse is affected by the speed and direction of the other five. The same is true of corporate worship—it's individuals worshiping God in harness."

I have to tell you that I've been in league with some of the most amazing instruments and artisans. I feel so small; meak, ugly and insignificant in comparison. On the other hand, I no longer feel that I do not play any instrument at all without some accumen or proficiency. While I do not play a musical instrument, I do write a bit, I can hold a tune and I can harmonize. I guess I'm still looking for that place, not physically but that spiritual place where I am at home in a crowd and at home in partnership.

I have a dedicated partner, but we are both struggling with individual employment and calling which gets in the way of deepening and enriching the partnership. 

I miss Bishop Wood and I miss the depth of the teachings at St. Andrews. There was more theological education in his sermons that brought out such a richness in the scripture. Apparently, reading old dead guys alongside the very oldest and wisest live guy brought more scope to my own understanding, to my own experience of the Living God. I also believe, perhaps selfishly, that that team and congregation could touch you - whether in prayer, worship music, laying their hands on or just directing you in a general walk-about - and you would feel the electric static of the Holy Spirit. It happened even as I read his words thousands of miles separated from the people. It was not those people who did it, I know. It is that the Holy Spirit indwells, and even now I am in the presence. I'm simply reconnected to the actual feeling and in relationship with others like me; especially when I begin to worship in concert with the band and the conductor who taught me to dance and to sing with abandon. 

The article that Tim Keller wrote really reflected on the difference between nostalgia and aesthetics vs. worship in the Presence of God. And Keller said something that I am positive should speak to me directly. He posited, "many who come back to the faith often choose a liturgical church. These people tend to be intellectuals: professors, writers, musicians."

Whenever I begin to wonder and pray, "God what did you create me to be?" I am brought back to these very considerations... write and profess, sing and have fun doing artsy stuff. 

My prayer is that Bishop Steve Wood's true life has become more deeply enriched in God's presence and in the presence of his family and congregation; that whether he is sitting at his desk, standing with one of the many congregations or young pastors in his care; with his wife, children and grandchildren or out in nature just experiencing the air and wildlife he is feeling the Holy Spirit touching him personally, coloring his thoughts and his experiences here on earth and filling him so full that he cannot help but overflow with joyful tears and laughter, even in times of difficulty or frustration.